As I sit here after a long day of doing precisely SQUAT (and catching up on old Idol-- more on that later), I know I need to talk a bit about what I've been up to. I apologize to those few friends of mine who really really REALLY want to know my inner thoughts. Or my stalkers.
Firstly, The Farnsworth Invention closed this past Sunday. It was an incredible experience... COMPLETELY incredible. I learned so so much during my time on Farnsworth. I felt blessed to be with a show that high profile, with a cast that talented, and on a show that well executed. As an understudy, I spent a lot of time watching. If the show were shallow or boring, my job would've been SO much harder. I learned a lot about myself while working on the show. I've always battled confidence issues, and it was interesting to me how they cropped up during this phase of my life. I felt a kind of social intimidation at first that I feel very close to. There's something about feeling like an outsider or a dork or whatever when you're younger that never really goes away. I continue to have issues in groups sometimes, feeling unsure of myself or awkward. What surprised me was that I never doubted my work in the show. When I went on for Lizette a few times, I felt confident in my ability as a performer. I was focused on getting all the quick changes and everything, but I felt strong and I had a hell of a time. It is such a rush... fitting into a well-oiled machine, playing scenes as if I've been doing it for months, acting across from some incredible performers with incredible resumes and reputations... nothing could be better. And ultimately, my social fears quiet down, and isn't the work what it's about? I suppose all actors have some sort of issue with themselves, and it drives them to be other people for a while.
In other acting news, a film I did this past summer (I have a small part) debuted tonight at South by Southwest film festival. It's called Natural Causes, and while I haven't seen the film, I know the quality of the artists behind it. It's a Cannon/Lerman/Cannon film, and the Lerman part is one of my oldest friends. He and I made films in high school, and I have always believed fiercely in him. Here's an interview with the three creators and the preview for the film. If you're near any of the festivals where the film is showing, check it out! http://blog.spout.com/2008/02/27/sxsw-preview-natural-causes/
So Idol? And Project Runway? And Top Model? How great are these shows??
Although I must say I can't watch Idol in real time. I fast forward through the boring performances. I mean, really. I can't sit here and listen to some half-ballad. No fun. But, so my favorites: I like Carly (who doesn't), and I really really love Brooke. I don't think she'll win, but I really dig her. And the guys? Well, David Archuleta is of course adorable... but I'm a Jason Castro fan. If he released something, I'd listen to it. I find David Hernandez weird and slimy looking and totally annoying (all that club dancing onstage when people have been kicked off) but I have to admit something attractive happens to him when he sings. But I really don't want to know any more about him.
Ok, so Runway's over, but I'm glad Christian won. I really wanted Chris March to win, but since he didn't make top 3 (Rami's great, but HUMAN HAIR TRIM ROCKS!!! Are they crazy??? Inventive and beautiful. I want it). But Christian had nothing else to do. I liked Jillian, and I think someone wealthy should sponsor her for cute cute clothes. Knits and denim, yay.
I'm so happy there's new Top Model. Everyone loves Claire, I'm no exception. I'm also an Amis fan, cuz she's a weirdo... and I'm really rooting for Anya. She photographs beautifully, she's hard-working, passionate, gracious, positive. I kind of hate that the judges get down on her about her accent... Jaslene has a thick accent, and she's still a spokeperson and won the friggin' contest. That's my thought on that. I like Anya's accent... I've never heard anything like it before.
So, what else can I say? In my first year out of school (and it's not even over yet), I've accomplished two of my big life goals: to be on Broadway, and to be in a film festival. How crazy! I know that my work and talent have some to do with that, but I am so struck by how blessed and how lucky I have been as well. These past 10 months have been full of such good beautiful things for me.
The best part of this past year is all the things I've learned, and the ways in which I've watched myself give up my little prides and neuroses. I've kind of been surprised to watch myself come up to all the challenges of the past year and take them in stride. There are pieces of my heart I knew were thorny about moments and people from my past, and many of those have been smoothed over. I'm learning more about my temptations (I say as Just My Imagination comes on itunes) and my pitfalls, and altering those I can... I hope to learn to love those I can't, too. I'm working on that.
I'm feeling the pull to travel. And my apartment is a mess. And I'm contemplative. It must be spring.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
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